Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Masters Vs Working..

::Confusion and I::

Alhamdulillah….Finally, I have settle and submit the application to further my study (MSc. Engineering Geology). Hopefully, I will stand with the decision that I made till the end. Hehe..I know that, I am easily to change mind at anytime. I am not good decision maker and I cannot stand with that…Bad me.

By the way, I have 5 months left to think about this. To continues my study or working? I am not sure yet. Just like my friend said yesterday, “Sue, you have 5 months to think this. If, in this period you did not have any job offer, you should further your study. It is good for you”. Errmm..I am still doubt with it…Please Allah…Help me. Give me your strongest. Give your Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim. I am really, really need your guidance. Please show me the ways. Ameen.

Yesterday, I am going to Geology Department to see my lecturers and try to get them as my references for master’s application form. Unfortunately, I am just doing masters by coursework. Actually, I put my hope to doing masters in research but my lecturer does not have any project to support my research. If I really want to do my own research, I need to use my own money. And honestly, I do not have any money. Too bad... Pity me.

Sometimes, I always think that people around me (others faculty student) very lucky, they have chance to do their research because their lecturers have lot of project and budget to support them. I am very jealous to them. But, it is okay. May be it not my time and may be Allah have a good plan to me. That is why He tests me. He just wants to know how much, how longer, I can stand with His tests. I am grateful with that and I hope He will give me something that really, really meaningful to me. Thank You Allah. Only He knew it. And I am prayed for it. InsyaAllah.

So, for this moment I just continue my contract as a research assistant until July. Then, if I am lucky, if I got offer to further study, I just go on with it. I am just can prays for it. And only Allah can help me. I let it to Him.

Actually, I still confuse with course that I applied. Either MSc. Engineering Geology or MSc. Engineering and Environment Geophysics are both good programme. If I take Engineering geology it is good for me because I am major in Engineering Geology during my first degree. It is an advantage for me and helps me score in this subject but if I take course Geophysics it is quite difficult for me because my result for this subject is not good enough. So, I need to work harder to make it better. For both programme has potential in industry, either oil and gas or construction industry.

Last but not least, I hope I can do better than before. I need to redeem back my mistakes that I have done. I prayed for my success and I knew that Allah will protect me. He knows everything. InsyaAllah..Ameen.

My journey is still longer and I should face it by myself. Nobody can help me. Only I can help myself. I must be stronger, stronger, and stronger. And also brave. I hope so.